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Ways to Deal with Anger over your Teen’s Substance Abuse
You are not alone. But it’s time to get help, whether you think you need it or not. Talbott Recovery Atlanta and Aspen Group provided me with the same document on Anger. It offers rich insight and advice.
The document suggests first answering these 5 questions:
Do you feel guilty for your rage?
Do you feel remorse for hurting others?
Are you or others embarrassed by your behavior?
Are you disappointed in yourself?
Are you afraid you may hurt someone in anger?
Do you feel hopeless and/or full of shame?
Managing anger over a substance abuse situation is a challenge, but patience and simple steps can help a family recover.
What is Anger?
Well, it’s quite simply a response to stress that usually comes from inaccurate perceptions of events. And contrary to what some might think at a given moment, it is generated from thoughts and beliefs that CAN BE CHANGED.
Anger Is Called the Great Manipulator
It is often used to manipulate others into getting what they want, kind of the way bullies bully people to get what they want. And it might win in the short term, but rarely in the long term. Anger, sadly, can make people feel powerful and in control, even when they are not.
Anger is a Bad Habit
We make ourselves angry by engaging in angry thinking:
Judging an event as unfair or hurtful
“Can’t standing”
Demanding (should and shouldn’ts/always and never)
Blaming
You Know Your Triggers, So Move from Anger to Thinking
Breathe and count to 10 before responding
Take a time out away from the situation to cool off and gain perspective
Wash your hands in cool water and drink cool water
Ask for help from someone nearby who is calm
Then…
Set a time to talk or use a mediator
Choose your “battles” wisely
Have structure in place that outlines rules and expectation
Use an “I feel” statement
Take verbal accountability for hearing your anger: say “I’m sorry” and talk about what you choose to do differently
Enter a safety contract with your family to outline your strategy for intervening to stop acting out of anger
Anger Hurts Teens
It leaves a teen feeling powerless, unable to change, fearful, alone, embarrassed, humiliated.
As a result, teens can feel revengeful, betrayed, falsely accused, rejected, stressed, inadequate, frustrated and guilty. It’s important to get on track and stay on track with teens.
Here are some self-help books that the document recommended.
Calming the Family Storm: Anger Management for Moms, Dads, and all the Kids by McKay and May bell
When Anger Hurts Your Kids by McKay, Fanning, Paleg, Landis. And check out these sites:
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