You are not alone. But it’s time to get help, whether you think you need it or not. Talbott Recovery Atlanta and Aspen Group provided me with the same document on Anger. It offers rich insight and advice.
The document suggests first answering these 5 questions:
Do you feel guilty for your rage?
Do you feel remorse for hurting others?
Are you or others embarrassed by your behavior?
Are you disappointed in yourself?
Are you afraid you may hurt someone in anger?
Do you feel hopeless and/or full of shame?
What is Anger?
Well, it’s quite simply a response to stress that usually comes from inaccurate perceptions of events. And contrary to what some might think at a given moment, it is generated from thoughts and beliefs that CAN BE CHANGED.
Anger Is Called the Great Manipulator
It is often used to manipulate others into getting what they want, kind of the way bullies bully people to get what they want. And it might win in the short term, but rarely in the long term. Anger, sadly, can make people feel powerful and in control, even when they are not.
Anger is a Bad Habit
We make ourselves angry by engaging in angry thinking:
Judging an event as unfair or hurtful
Demanding (should and shouldn’ts/always and never)
You Know Your Triggers, So Move from Anger to Thinking
Breathe and count to 10 before responding
Take a time out away from the situation to cool off and gain perspective
Wash your hands in cool water and drink cool water
Ask for help from someone nearby who is calm
Set a time to talk or use a mediator
Choose your “battles” wisely
Have structure in place that outlines rules and expectation
Use an “I feel” statement
Take verbal accountability for hearing your anger: say “I’m sorry” and talk about what you choose to do differently
Enter a safety contract with your family to outline your strategy for intervening to stop acting out of anger
Anger Hurts Teens
It leaves a teen feeling powerless, unable to change, fearful, alone, embarrassed, humiliated.
As a result, teens can feel revengeful, betrayed, falsely accused, rejected, stressed, inadequate, frustrated and guilty. It’s important to get on track and stay on track with teens.
Here are some self-help books that the document recommended.
Calming the Family Storm: Anger Management for Moms, Dads, and all the Kids by McKay and May bell
When Anger Hurts Your Kids by McKay, Fanning, Paleg, Landis. And check out these sites:
The Substance Abuse and Mental Services Administration (SAMHSA) is a remarkable organization dedicated to helping Americans, particularly recovery professionals and people in crisis, to better navigate substance abuse issues with better tools and information. It also performs research on programs and tracks and reports outcomes. This checklist is beneficial to any parent who is trying to make a decision about what comes next for their teen in crisis. Whether a parent is alone in this journey or working with a therapist, law enforcement office, or school counselor, the list is a dependable guide to understand quickly what one must look for in terms of support services.
When you are looking for a recovery program for your teen, here is a list of services that you should feel are required.
When planning an intervention, it is important that certain steps are followed in order for it to be effective. The last thing you want to do is come across as ambushing your teen. In order to have an effective intervention, we recommend the following 7 steps be taken. These steps were gathered by experts at the Mayo Clinic.
A family member or friend proposes an intervention and forms a planning group. It’s best if you consult with a qualified professional counselor, addiction specialist, psychologist, mental health counselor, social worker or an interventionist to help you organize an effective intervention. An intervention is a highly charged situation with the potential to cause anger, resentment or a sense of betrayal.
The group members find out about the extent of the loved one’s problem and research the condition and treatment programs. The group may initiate arrangements to enroll the loved one in a specific treatment program.
The planning group forms a team that will personally participate in the intervention. Team members set a date and location and work together to present a consistent, rehearsed message and a structured plan. Often, non-family members of the team help keep the discussion focused on the facts of the problem and shared solutions rather than strong emotional responses. Do not let your loved one know what you are doing until the day of the intervention.
If your loved one doesn’t accept treatment, each person on the team needs to decide what action he or she will take. Examples include asking your loved one to move out or taking away contact with children.
Each member of the intervention team describes specific incidents where the addiction caused problems, such as emotional or financial issues. Discuss the toll of your loved one’s behavior while still expressing care and the expectation that your loved one can change. Your loved one can’t argue with facts or with your emotional response to the problem. For example begin by saying “I was upset and hurt when you drank…”
Without revealing the reason, the loved one is asked to the intervention site. Members of the core team then take turns expressing their concerns and feelings. The loved one is presented with a treatment option and asked to accept that option on the spot. Each team member will say what specific changes he or she will make if the addicted person doesn’t accept the plan. Do not threaten a consequence unless you are ready to follow through with it.
Involving a spouse, family members or others is critical to help someone with an addiction stay in treatment and avoid relapsing. This can include changing patterns of everyday living to make it easier to avoid destructive behavior, offering to participate in counseling with your loved one, seeking your own therapist and recovery support, and knowing what to do if relapse occurs.
A successful intervention must be planned carefully to work as intended. A poorly planned intervention can worsen the situation — your loved one may feel attacked and become isolated or more resistant to treatment. The Mayo Clinic also recommends that consulting an interventionist can be beneficial.
Figuring out what program, what approach, is right for your teen or young adult — is no easy decision and is best evaluated with a professional substance abuse counselor. NIH National Institute on Drug Abuse states, “Research studies on addiction treatment typically have classified programs into several general types or modalities. Treatment approaches and individual programs continue to evolve and diversify, and many programs today do not fit neatly into traditional drug addiction treatment classifications.”
Most, however, start with detoxification and medically managed withdrawal, often considered the first stage of treatment. Detoxification, the process by which the body clears itself of drugs, is designed to manage the acute and potentially dangerous physiological effects of stopping drug use. As stated previously, detoxification alone does not address the psychological, social, and behavioral problems associated with addiction and therefore does not typically produce lasting behavioral changes necessary for recovery. Detoxification should thus be followed by a formal assessment and referral to drug addiction treatment.
Because it is often accompanied by unpleasant and potentially fatal side effects stemming from withdrawal, detoxification is often managed with medications administered by a physician in an inpatient or outpatient setting; therefore, it is referred to as “medically managed withdrawal.” Medications are available to assist in the withdrawal from opioids, benzodiazepines, alcohol, nicotine, barbiturates, and other sedatives.”
NOTE: If your child does not need to detox, he still might need intensive residential treatment. So first assess the extent of the problem. People who need to detox can die if they skip that step. Here are some programs. For detail, visit this NIH link about different types of programs.
Long-term Residential Treatment programs provide care 24 hours a day, generally in non-hospital settings. The best-known residential treatment model is the therapeutic community (TC), with planned lengths of stay of between 6 and 12 months.
These programs provide intensive but relatively brief treatment based on a modified 12-step approach. These programs were originally designed to treat alcohol problems, but during the cocaine epidemic of the mid-1980s, many began to treat other types of substance use disorders. They consisted of a 3- to 6-week hospital-based inpatient treatment phase, followed by extended outpatient therapy and participation in a self-help group, such as AA.
These programs vary in the types and intensity of services offered. Such treatment costs less than residential or inpatient treatment and often is more suitable for people with jobs, school commitments, or extensive social supports. It should be noted, however, that low-intensity programs may offer little more than drug education.
Group counseling capitalizes on the social reinforcement offered by peer discussion and to help promote drug-free lifestyles. Research has shown that when group therapy either is offered in conjunction with individualized drug counseling or is formatted to reflect the principles of cognitive-behavioral therapy or contingency management, positive outcomes are achieved.
These programs are exactly what they sound like. Wilderness programs use wilderness expeditions for the purpose of therapeutic intervention. A range of programing exists, and the philosophy behind it is to use “experiential” outdoor education to create positive outcomes in the areas of self-concept and self-esteem, along with improved social behaviors in areas such as trust and mutual support. Many therapists I have encountered believe this is an “efficient” approach for teen and young adult males, relative to other options.
Insurance providers in general offer limited or no coverage for these programs. Even court ordered programs usually require an out-of-pocket spend.